


i try to picture me without you (but I can't)

by luthien82



Series: Lost My Heart in Mykonos [2]
Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: Assassin's Creed: Odyssey, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Regret, Self-Reflection, Thaletas/Kyra if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:14:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27864394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luthien82/pseuds/luthien82
Summary: The Adrestia is anchored just south of Mykonos, and Thaletas reflects on his past regrets.
Relationships: Alexios/Thaletas (Assassin's Creed)
Series: Lost My Heart in Mykonos [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2039977
Kudos: 23





	i try to picture me without you (but I can't)

**Author's Note:**

> True story: I was so offended by what they did to Alexios that I never went back to Delos or Mykonos after the events of "A Night to Remember", even when I had to take care of the cultist on the small island camp south of Mykonos. Instead I parked the Adrestia next to it and waited for night because you can't meditate on the ship (it was a very long wait). While I was waiting for the sun to go down I asked myself what Thaletas might think when he saw the ship anchored so close yet none of the crew came to shore. This is the result.
> 
> I promise, one of these days these two idiots will be in a fic together. But today is not that day.
> 
> Spoiler warning, sort of, for obvious reasons.
> 
> Title is from Fall Out Boy's "Immortal".
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Assassin’s Creed and all associated characters are the property of Ubisoft. No copyright infringement is intended, this has been written for fun.

The _Adrestia_ hadn’t moved in over three hours.

Neither had Thaletas.

He wasn’t sure why he was still standing here in the mid-day heat, staring south at a ship that held his biggest regret. There wasn’t much he could do, short of swimming over there and demanding that Alexios listen to him. His chances of success were slim to none, given that the _Adrestia_ would rather anchor just south of Mykonos instead of docking in port. That kind of action spoke volumes. If it had been Barnabas at the helm, the ship would have docked, which he’d done on and off in the past year whenever he was in the neighborhood and needed to restock. Which meant that Alexios had to be at the helm, and he’d been avoiding Mykonos like the plague.

He was still upset, then.

Thaletas couldn’t blame him.

But what in the name of the Gods was he _doing_ out there?

The _Adrestia_ didn’t seem to be in need of repairs – in fact, it looked even more marvelous than the last time Thaletas had seen it – and it didn’t look like they were lying in wait for someone. Not enough activity on the ship for that. Maybe there had been an incident and they had to deal with it? No, that couldn’t be it either for the same reason. In fact, it seemed like the crew was enjoying a day off. But why would they do that out there instead of on the island? Or any other island, if Alexios didn’t want to dock here?

And maybe Thaletas should start minding his own business. He’d forfeited his right to know what Alexios was up to, after all.

Not that it stopped him from wondering. And worrying.

He sighed, but remained standing and continued to look south, his mind wandering back to that fateful night when he’d stupidly broken Alexios’ trust.

He should have handled it differently. He should have handled it _better_. Should have said something when Alexios looked at him with betrayal in his eyes. Should have acted like a _man_ , not a coward. But a coward he was, and he’d paid the price for it.

“He’s not coming any closer just because you wish him to, you know?”

He tensed at the unexpected voice behind him. But really, he shouldn’t have been surprised. Kyra was as connected on the island as Thaletas himself. She must’ve heard about the _Adrestia_ anchoring south of the island at the same time as he had. He just didn’t expect her to come to him.

Their relationship had been frayed ever since that fateful party. If you could even call it a relationship anymore, with them avoiding each other about as often as they were together.

He didn’t reply for a moment, unsure what to say to her sarcastic comment. When she came forward to stand beside him, he gave her a quick look, but his eyes inevitably strayed back to the ship. They remained silent for a long time, until Thaletas sighed deeply and looked down at his feet. “I wish I could be what you want me to be, Kyra. I truly do. But we both know that…”

He trailed off, but Kyra nodded as if he’d finished the sentence. “We were fools, all of us.” She nodded to the _Adrestia_. “Him included.”

Thaletas grimaced. “I’m not sure that’s the case,” he admitted. “After all, it was me who gave him the impression that we had a future together.”

Kyra turned her head to look at him, her penetrating gaze almost scorching with its intensity. She only raised an eyebrow at him, but it was enough for him to admit, “When he said his goodbyes that night, before the two of us made our plans, he told me that he would stay with me if he could, but… his destiny was drawing him away, and I was called back to Sparta as a general in the Spartan army. I implied that I would wait for him, if the Fates would be kind enough to bring us back together in the future.”

Understanding dawned in Kyra’s eyes, and her upper lip curled as if disgusted. “And mere moments later I told him you and I were going to rule the island together as romantic partners.” At Thaletas’ nod she shook her head, her gaze wandering out to the _Adrestia_. “No wonder he couldn’t leave fast enough.”

They fell back into silence, both lost in their own thoughts. Then, “You should have told me, Thaletas. It wasn’t enough that you told me that you had lain with him. I assumed it had been a bit of fun for you, nothing more. You should have told me the minute your feelings for me wavered. We could have handled that night differently, if I’d known your heart had already drifted away from me.”

“I know,” he said quietly. “I made a lot of regrettable decisions but hurting both of you are the biggest regrets of my life to date.” He paused for a long moment before he admitted, “I was scared. Scared to leave the life behind that is expected of any good Spartan man. I was supposed to marry a woman and have sons who continued to bring glory to Sparta. And even though Alexios made my heart sing I couldn’t let go of that expectation.”

“And now?” she asked him, her voice neutral.

He swallowed. “Now? I wish I had Kronos’ power and do it all over again, but differently. I didn’t know how empty I would feel without him.”

Pain flitted over her face, and Thaletas regretted admitting that to her. Even though their relationship was no longer what it had been before Alexios had come into their lives, it must still hurt her to hear it so plainly spoken. But Kyra was much stronger than him in some respects, because she squared her shoulders and said, “Destiny lies in your own hands. Alexios taught me that. So while the past is regrettable, and we could have handled it better, your future actions are the only thing that count.”

“What do you suggest, then?”

“ _Talk to him_.” Kyra’s voice was so scathing that he felt like the smallest and stupidest person in the world. And maybe he was, considering how he’d handled the whole matter of his own feelings.

He hesitated, not wanting to irate her further, but she was, despite everything, his friend. “He doesn’t want to talk to me. By the Gods, he doesn’t even want to be on the same _island_ as me.” He gestured meaningfully at the _Adrestia_.

Kyra rolled her eyes but seemed to reign in her temper. She released her breath slowly and gave his argument some thought. After a while she said, “Then you have to make him listen.”

Thaletas couldn’t help but laugh, a short and bitter sound, and he gestured with more force at the ship to emphasize his point. “ _How?_ ”

Kyra just shrugged and turned to leave. “You’ll have to find a way.” And then she left the same way she’d come.

Thaletas remained, his gaze inevitably straying back to the _Adrestia_ , still unable to tear his eyes away from the ship. Nothing much had happened, and it looked like it would remain anchored for a good long while. Maybe Thaletas _should_ swim over there and force Alexios to hear him out, explain himself to him.

Thaletas still had a lot of issues. His feelings for Alexios warred with his Spartan upbringing. He knew that Alexios didn’t have the same hang-ups as himself, having grown up outside of Spartan influence. But if Thaletas explained, asked him for a little more time to come to terms with the apparent truth that his feelings regarding other men would _never_ go away, were not a fancy of his boyhood, maybe he could salvage this.

It was too soon to talk about love. Their time together had been too brief to call it anything more than an infatuation. But Thaletas knew himself, even though sometimes he wished he didn’t. The potential was there; the potential to love Alexios with everything in him, to love him even more than he loved Sparta.

Just the thought made him feel like a traitor, and yet they were true. He _could_ love Alexios more than Sparta, and that scared him senseless. Until the _misthios_ had come into his life, he’d loved nothing more than his country, not even Kyra. But now…

He sighed, finally tearing his gaze away from the _Adrestia_. It was no use to stand here and brood. He was needed elsewhere; his lieutenants had probably been looking for him for hours, wondering where their commander had gone. It was time to join the real world again. He would sail out to the _Adrestia_ in the morning, before his duties would occupy him. And then he would refuse to take no for an answer. He wouldn’t leave that ship until Alexios agreed to see him and talk to him.

Resolve firmly in place, Thaletas turned around to make his way back to the fort.

* * *

Come morning, the _Adrestia_ was gone, taking Thaletas’ chance to reconcile with Alexios with it.


End file.
